Thursday, January 31, 2008
am i that detesting?
am i that horrible?
grah.
why is the whole world always against me.
i don't wanna seem so emo, but i really can't help it.
do i really look so un-project-able? can't do work properly?
some of my friends are really nice, but some are really just plain assholes.
stick with you for what? play that bleach game. and so what happens when i've returned the psp?
poof, he disappears faster than you can say, "chire, senbonzakura."
there were so many other people that i could have eaten with.
i chose to find you. yet you walked out on me.
it might be too harsh to call it a betrayal. but you absolutely know i hate being alone.
i'm vulnerable when i'm alone. prone to different kinds of stuff.
and i ate alone for that lunch.
so many thoughts just ran through my head.
you were supposed to be one of my better friends, yet you just disappeared without a trace when the psp was gone.
is that all our friendship is worth?
or were you not my friend to begin with.
just a stranger i barely knew, that i poured out my heart to.
a stranger i mingled with.
a stranger i got influenced by.
i seriously wondered whether i should have even started making friends with you.
on hindsight i think it really is.
maybe i should calm down.
but i'm alone now.
home is never warm. it's a cold lonely place.
the faintest glint of light comes from talking to my friends online.
yet again i question, are they really my friends?
or are they just putting on a mask to face me, while their true face is still hidden from me.
i do not know.
home doesn't feel like home at all.
home is a place where i feel the most insecure.
it's one of the places where my belongings are stolen!
it's so hard living in this home.
home is an aimless void, revolving round the shadows of life.
if i don't talk in school, my voice could disappear from lack of use.
that's why i'm so hyperactive.
but, the harshness of reality sinks in again.
no one cares.
relationships in school are so superficial.
many insensitive creeps running around, poking fun at what you simply don't have.
never once have i been taken seriously.
i don't even have a proper group of friends i hang out with.
so many cliques around, yet i'm not even close to any.
dong, ivan and seah are probably the most obvious clique.
there's also the ncc clique.
my relationship with weishen is good, but ultimately still superficial, he has his swimming clique.
the clique i'm probably the nearest to is samson zhuoyang chunyin eugenegan.
it's hopeless.
the odds of finding a true lifelong friend in ri is close to 0.
in fact, i think it IS 0.
just how many people are that close to me?
i think i'll stop here. so much more i have in my heart.
no one to pour it out to.
life is hard.
moonlight shone on Thursday, January 31, 2008.
