Thursday, November 17, 2011
i think what makes everyone human is the bond that each feels with another. for someone i've known for such a short period of time, and not even very well, the fact that i can start tearing out of nothing is enough to set me thinking. why can i cry so easily over someone i barely know at all? yet when i harden my heart towards God i do it without any remorse at all. does God cry buckets over me when i'm unfaithful as well? even though i'm asking myself this question, i know full well the answer is yes. John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible, says simply that Jesus wept. how much would God weep for me though?
i'm actually very scared to be apart from God. i want to be close to Him again so badly. i don't know what to do now though, i know that i've been so far away for so many times i'm so used to it. i've tried to get back close to God again, but time and time again my own discipline has failed me. but only God understands me. i really don't have the words to put into my own mouth to explain. i don't even know what i feel sometimes. but only God really understands me, and though i try again and again to tell my leaders i really don't know what i'm feeling, they never seem to believe me. help me God. i'm afraid.
moonlight shone on Thursday, November 17, 2011.
