moonlight.

2011-11-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

i think what makes everyone human is the bond that each feels with another. for someone i've known for such a short period of time, and not even very well, the fact that i can start tearing out of nothing is enough to set me thinking. why can i cry so easily over someone i barely know at all? yet when i harden my heart towards God i do it without any remorse at all. does God cry buckets over me when i'm unfaithful as well? even though i'm asking myself this question, i know full well the answer is yes. John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible, says simply that Jesus wept. how much would God weep for me though?

i'm actually very scared to be apart from God. i want to be close to Him again so badly. i don't know what to do now though, i know that i've been so far away for so many times i'm so used to it. i've tried to get back close to God again, but time and time again my own discipline has failed me. but only God understands me. i really don't have the words to put into my own mouth to explain. i don't even know what i feel sometimes. but only God really understands me, and though i try again and again to tell my leaders i really don't know what i'm feeling, they never seem to believe me. help me God. i'm afraid.

Focus on God

2011-09-02T10:49:00.001+08:00

Well I never thought it'd happen like this. I guess I should have seen it coming. It's funny how I just suddenly feel so worked by this. Maybe God's reminding me that man fails, but he stays faithful throughout. I can't take this feeling, I feel like breaking down but i know he right place to run is towards God i keep neglecting God, but the fact is that He's always there for me. But I must never show this side of me. Nobody's expecting this of me. I will find my rest in God. Is this why I never have real close friends anywhere outside church? I don't understand, God, but You do, and I'm holding firm to that.

2009-10-22T21:12:00.002+08:00

that day, when shihao said that he was blessed to have brothers who guided him through his life patiently even though he always bit the hand that fed him, it struck a chord. i have been EXTREMELY blessed, because it wasn't family that guided me, but rather, friends and God. i got over the fact that my parents are separated, but then in lower secondary, i was looking for something really superficial. i craved attention, i sought attention, i tried to make myself look cool. although now i still try to dress up and everything, it is no longer for that obsessive compulsion to look cool. thinking back, i think that friends have really shaped who i am inside.

and that is why i try to be more sensitive to people. i recognize the insecurities people feel, and that's why i try to lend an ear, to help them. they usually don't accept it though. i still do my best. for a few months, i've been spending my time with x. i see the great insecurity, yes, one big insecurity. i see the similarities between x and myself from long ago. there was friction in the relationship with her close friend y. however, y was close to other people too, and i thought that x needed more attention. i invested alot of time on this. i was probably hoping against hope that whatever i did, it would probably change her, even just a little.

but then not everyone is perfect. flawed personality came into play, and x was demanding. she demanded all of y's attention, demanded everyone's attention. she started giving black faces everywhere, and more frequently too. this got to a point where the class decided to stop pampering and giving in to her. it was up to x to realise that the world didn't revolve around her. naturally she didn't get it. she ran from us, found someone else to seek solace. a total stranger. as i predicted, she came back to us with a changed mindset, not in the way we hoped for though. strangely, she was talking about changing class and leaving us. running to its fullest. of course i was shocked. she never had an idea how much other classes hated her. she didn't know half the people who expressed dislike for her. as i've been thinking, even our group of friends probably dislike her for affecting everyone adversely like that.

and then came the final blow. x said she had to go home to teach her sister stuff, and went down to the canteen first. at the same time, the people who stayed in class planned a bowling outing. that stranger found out about it and asked x why she didn't go. instead of answering truthfully, she manipulated the whole situation by mentioning that it was "their class". maybe i didn't realise it before, but i hate it when people become two-faced and lie. a confrontation thus was on the books. the most shocking thing was that she blatantly denied it and asked me not to say anything if i didn't know anything. obviously i heard what she said, and i was disappointed in her. on that day, i sacrificed my relationship with x in the hope that she would change, that she would back down, even just one bit, to see that what she's done will not even get past her conscience. it all backfired of course. she wouldn't back down and think about what she's done.

that night i looked over everything again. i realised i neglected y. i neglected so many other people in order to help one person who wasn't willing to change. x wasn't willing to come to compromises. everything had to go her way. i apologised to everyone whom i neglected in the midst of trying to be close to x. y is really hurt. i had no idea what to do, and i had a refreshing talk with my teacher. weirdly, i feel free-er now. a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. it was no longer my responsibility, and nobody's responsibility anymore. she deserved every bit of it, as it all resulted from her actions. y would go over to x to keep her company, but x rejected her HARSHLY. honestly, if x expects y to be there 24/7 for her, she can't expect to push her away as she likes. y is not a dog, to be called and dismissed at x's whims. x expects so much from y without giving anything in return. such a relationship isn't even fit to be called one. x should be ashamed of herself. i don't hate her though. i recognize that it is her inherent flaws that cause everything to happen like that. i genuinely would extend a helping hand IF she would accept it. for now, i have sacrificed the relationship. i think it is the best course of action i could have taken. for now, it will stay this way. for now i will revel in freedom. but in future, God give me the strength to help her.

and that's it. i do not regret any of the actions i made. i have promised myself to make my life a fulfilling one and i want to spend it helping as many people as possible. i will do my best.

2009-07-12T22:59:00.001+08:00

i know im being an ass.

2009-03-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

james says:
*lol
*eh btw why am i the masked superman in your picture thing
*lol what's a masked superman anw
max. says:
*i think you're dam shy but you save the day!
*like superman is dam cool and everything
*= james
*but shy
james says:
*woah
*thx
max. says:
*so mask
*LOL
james says:
*now just need to wear underwear on the outside
max. says:
*LOL
james says:
*then really become superman
max. says:
*tupperwareunderware
*i dare you to do that
*in class
*LOL
james says:
*LOL WTH?
max. says:
*$50
*LOL
james says:
*lol sure...
max. says:
*LOL
james says:
*sian i don't feel like doing econs essay
max. says:
*i doing
*like
*some day after school
*not today
*i dam sian
james says:
*lol i do some tmr then
max. says:
*of chem alr
james says:
*i also
*i spent my whole sunday on chem
*zz
max. says:
*and you din finish
*LOL
james says:
*lol wa lao suan
max. says:
*sorry
*D:
james says:
*i go emo al
*alr
max. says:
*LOL
*superman doesnt emo
james says:
*it's buried anguish
*i need to fly up to the rooftop to emo
max. says:
*LOL

james is dam cute. :D

2009-03-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

集中所有力气
听你看你
等那个讯息
你欠我的讯息
你欠答案的
那个问题
do you love me?
do you love me?
do you love me?

你没问我
我能回应什么
用眼神说
我怕我会听错
要不要
继续互相折磨
你看我
我看着你寂寞

手已经围好城堡
心也已经备好浪潮
快完成等待完成的拥抱
别说你还没有感觉到
我所给你的微笑
不只微笑

love you love you yes i love you
你听见了吗
这是我第一千遍第一万遍心里的回答
那身边的人经过的人我都不牵挂
我只去
你想要去的天涯
love you love you yes i love you
你还没听见吗
能不能请你放下
放下那愚蠢的挣扎
我害怕爱情就像
盛开的花
一错过
眼泪也没有办法

像是一场
多么令人
疲倦的游戏
只剩下最后一步
却举棋不定
我早就输了
你却不相信你会赢
看你一直苦笑叹息
我想帮忙
我好着急
爱情爱情
真伤感情
两个人
僵在这里
两颗心
悬再那里
时间时间
就快要没有时间
我们越来越像朋友而已

2009-02-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm a house of cards
in a hurricane
A reckless ride
In the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain
Is all I wanna feel
She'll dance away just like a child
She drives me crazy
Drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles

2009-02-09T21:49:00.001+08:00

unexpected twists and turns in the road of life.

Hi, congratulations, you did well enough to be selected for the team straightaway, so you don't have to come for interviews. Training starts this wednesday at potong pasir cc. There will be bus transport from school at 2pm. Please come in pe attire. See you :)

2009-02-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

i haven't.
but why does it feel like i have?

i'm not.
i don't want to.

i'm tired of this life.

birthday wishes.

2009-01-13T21:51:00.000+08:00

so many things.

2008-11-10T23:16:00.004+08:00

Mr Fats and me and zhuoyang.

muggerGEP booi and me.

class photo =D

jonlim! heh thanks for everything you've done for me, really appreciate it. =]

RESL Cambodia 2007!

BB dogs minus THE dog =o

earlobe and cheek pulling fun with fatty!

moshmoshmosh!

class photo with teacher!

heh joke shot ><
with mr ong! steamiest teacher of the century.

another class photo.

2008-11-10T00:18:00.002+08:00

grad night was, to put it in one word, steam.
disclaimer: no pics until i get them.
first up, is before grad nite!
met jaren and the gang at citylink, on the way to find ken at the arcade.
then, took lots of pics outside ballroom until time to go in.

after we went in, took more photos and it finally started.
first up was what's on tonight!
i admit, this was the funniest one i ever heard.
then after that, i dno what happen alr so i just write here what was most memorable.

moshing! WOOO xD really riled the crowd up and mosh mosh mosh ftw!
heh it was really fun.
performance by beatbox was cool as well.

kope food! koped chicken from our class table =D

awards. the jag of mr joel seah. lucky draw he won the grand prize of a crumpler.
and he didn't go for grad night.=/
lucky mr seah. so zhongren got it. rawr. i wanted that hard drive.

at the end mrs martina ong sang us a song, which was quite nice. then we sang the batch song. heh it was quite emotional.

pics, wait for pics!

2008-09-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

heh im gonna find joshua for lessons during hols!
anyone wanna come along?
can take up to 3 ppl per lesson - he has 3 drumkits!

dam steam.

2008-09-27T18:11:00.000+08:00

i am so gonna learn drums. <3

drums are the coolest. ever.

why do i only think of you?
why do i see you everywhere i look?

2008-09-24T22:08:00.000+08:00

i'm suddenly super into drumming.
even though i suck at it.

shld i pursue this?

2008-09-14T17:45:00.002+08:00

woke up at 8 to nosebleed 2 whole packets worth of tissue.
then slept till 2.
woke up to do nothing.

my chinese file has alot of missing stuff and can't find them. sigh.

help.

2008-09-14T00:15:00.002+08:00

yep i'm back dogs!

grad night bb table! looking forward to it. darius linus (kieran) (foongy) dong ivan seanyap ken jonlim and me! so much for bb, we've handed over. sometimes it feels great to see the person working under you to rise up and take your position. i know he can do a better job than me, just that he needs the motivation. go for it chester!

Rafflesian Spotlight. auditions are finally over! although there were a few hiccups here and there, we still managed to pull through! as auditions IC (who was 1 of the 3 ppl who organised auditions), i haven't really done much. most of the stuff is thanks to abhinav! great job, uncle fats love your jokes and everything. sorry for the stuff i didnt do, and now i've become sales IC so i'll sell the most tickets. BUY RAFFLESIAN SPOTLIGHT TICKETS FROM ME IN A FEW WEEKS!

dmp. not very slack but it's fun. intermediate drum course with eugene gan kimwee and samkoh. drumming rocks. =D then anal(ytical) chem with fatty and stephat. chinese the usual, and number theory, which i signed up for because there was nth else. ><

i'm currently addicted to Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings! tero ds ken and i are gonna jam that song. it's so freaking nice lah. but its 4 chords -.- fatty just loves this song HOR FATTY xD

2008-08-02T18:02:00.003+08:00

"What Makes A Man"

This isn't goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn't goodbye,
I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won't cry.

Any other girl, I'd let you walk away,
Any other girl, I'm sure I'd be okay.

Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around ,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So I can get over you.

What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh,
That look in her eyes,
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek,
That force in your life.

Would you apologize, no matter who was wrong?
Would you get on your knees if that would bring her home?

Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around ,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So that I can get over you.

Other girls will come along, they always do,
But what's the point when all I ever want is you, tell me,

Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know, let me know,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So I can get over you.

2008-05-06T23:42:00.003+08:00

if you want to continue holding this grudge i have no qualms.
holding a grudge over something YOU did wrongly, is simply childish and immature.
as ben aw says, it all boils down to principles.
if you hold this type of grudge, even if we are good friends, it will be a superficial relationship.
i'd rather not.

and i won't.

2008-04-30T20:07:00.002+08:00

the agony.

a young soul walks into a crowd, chooses a spot to stand in. Suddenly, the people in front move. Without thinking, he moves as well, mindlessly shuffled on by the people behind him. He looks around helplessly, there's no stopping now. He sees his destination, big glass doors. As he walks in, a few more people get in behind him and the door closes. A cool breeze washes over him.

The torture has just started.

The people inside are intent on killing each other, the poor boy is getting suffocated. He looks around, noticing the people that have already closed their eyes are on soft rectangular objects. Without a warning, the world moves. The boy grabs a long metallic object to prevent himself from falling and getting squashed. Doors open for a brief while, but close again. He does not understand. A woman screams for the door to be opened, in vain. The world starts moving again. The doors open and close again, after which the boy finally realises it's an escape hatch. The boy squeezes frantically through, pulling his bag with him as he struggles to the door. As he walks out, he breathes in fresh air.

The boy (me) has reached his bus stop.

Bus rides are horrible.

2008-04-28T21:46:00.002+08:00

gideon choo.
best physics teacher in the world.
i think i'm doing a good job of "reprocicating" how much i learn each lesson by passing up the proportional amount of work.

which means nothing (:

by using "induction", this means that every 1 second that he talks is 31 seconds wasted.
guess what.

he loves scolding people who laugh at him. i mean, who in their right mind wouldn't? says totally contradictory stuff every minute. physics practical lesson is officially PhySics Practical (PSP) lesson. that's cos there're no big clear glass un-curtained windows in the lab, and i'm sitting beside jaren. who wouldn't for some tekken fun? (:

2008-04-27T21:53:00.001+08:00

i've had enough of this.

2008-04-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

mep has totally screwed up my life.
100% i won't get the job i want because MEP screwed my GPA -> no chem h3 in jc.
MEP = no bio.
bio = free 4.0

quite a few job options are cut down because of bio. i hope i can still be something in the chem industry.

i hate mep.

and it's not my fault.

2008-04-21T22:29:00.000+08:00

after much inspiration for seah, i have decided to work doubly hard for MEP.
i have alr mugged songs, now to mug opera and musicals.
ain't i hardworking? =D

2008-04-16T22:29:00.002+08:00

APR isn't too bad. 3.38.
second highest GPA in my whole RI life.

english 3.6
maths 4.0 (yay double weightage)
higher chinese 2.4 (thanks for the moderation!)
physics 3.6 (am i pro or what, my teacher is gideon!)
chem 4.0 (97% and i'm in 80-89 percentile.)
history 3.6 (o.0)
ss 2.0 (thanks ah, one test decides the results.)
mep 3.2 (as aforementioned, yay! (: )

to seah: i think everyone can see the amount of effort you've been putting in. don't worry, i believe it will all pay off. you'll see the fruits of your labour, trust me.

screw mep arts at the atrium.

2008-04-14T19:23:00.003+08:00

today is some mother screwed up day.
i didn't know that
2cos2x = sin2x
tan2x = 2

screwed up. at most i can get 25/30. which is 83%. say goodbye to that 90%.

rugby finals were the lowest low.
i'm a worthless person.
never thought i'd have this problem again.
but it's back to haunt me.
i want so much to be that quiet guy.
to not let anyone have a chance to ignore me.
but seems it's happening all over again.

to think i tried to clear all my thoughts of you.
to try and be able to trust you again.
to think i tried to act after thinking, and not on the spot.
and it all went poof.

i think my previous thoughts of myself were all spot-on.

i'm still a fucking loser.

2008-04-10T22:02:00.002+08:00

yay i've got warcraft 3 back.

i got 3.2 for MEP. SUPER SUPER satisfied.
2.0 for SS =/
only history left. tomorrow. hope i get at least 3.2

my GPA currently isn't too bad. if i get a 3.2 for history, overall will be 3.28
improvement of 0.02! (:
thanks to maths my gpa isn't too bad cos of chinese and ss.
maths TA gotten back today.
11.5/12 =D
careless mistake lor. but top scorer thanks . (:

the artspace jamming room is dam nice lah =D
enough space to play MEP soccer inside, and super user friendly.

today i'm not emo (:

2008-04-08T20:37:00.002+08:00

rammed guitar hero again today =D
it's super addictive.

have been reading prince of tennis lately.
fuji syuusuke is dam cool.
he has his counters to pwn everyone.

tsubame gaeshi: when the ball hits the ground it doesn't bounce up, but rolls. no way to return unless hit before the bounce.

higuma otoshi: returns ANY FRIGGIN SMASH all the way to the back of the opponent's court.

hakugei: this is really gei (gay). the ball just goes up like an exponential curve, then because of backspin comes down vertically, bounces on the court, then flies back to fuji's hand.

and the imba fourth one. kagero zutsumi [dragonfly illusion]: actually i donno how this works. the ball is actually like just everywhere. feels you can hit but seems as if the ball's quite far away. shiok.

now if only i could use those. he evolved the first 3 counters though. now they have shitty names. tsubame gaeshi becomes some stupid name, higuma otoshi becomes kirin return, hakugei becomes another shitty name which i can't bother to remember.

and then i don't read naruto, but downloaded the naruto game.
sasuke uchiha =D

with his imba high attack, coupled with my skills he's totally imba.
and i maxed out his attacked at the power ups. i can 2hko a tenten. -.-

finally school results.
english -70% [heng]
maths - 90% [double weightage =D]
higher chinese - 54.3% [wah frick. zzz]
chem - 97% [and i'm the frigging 3rd in class. ): ]
physics - 76% [one more mark for the frigging quiz and it would be 80% T_T ]
history - donno.
ss - donno.
MEP - donno.
without MEP i think my GPA would be quite good.
stupid MEP lah.

is it my fault that i joined MEP in the first place.
did i do the right thing?
did i play the right card, when there was only 1 other player left in the round?
i played a 2 of diamonds, and she just totally whooped an ace of spades in.
without that other player i might have been able to push for a triple science history.
what can i do when she exerts authority?

nothing.
absolutely 0.

maybe it was my fault.
it seems like everything is my fault nowadays.
i've a screwed up GPA.
my fault.

every single mistake that everyone else makes.
my fault.

the whole world looks at it this way.
i'm sucuumbing.
i want to speak up.
but there's no one there to listen, to hear.
no one there to care.

2008-04-06T22:51:00.002+08:00

i want guitar heroes ):

aq support was amazing.
after being awake 22.5 hours, i slept 2 hours, then proceeded to stay awake for 19 more hours.
steamy.

soccer after aq was the bomb.
i finally got why i cannot keep that well.
i cannot jump.
so now training starts. jump higher (:

[update also nothing much to update. this period isn't a gloomy one. less gloomy than zgloomydayz anyway.]

2008-04-02T13:49:00.002+08:00

guitar hero =D
i've always wanted to try it, i'm not bad at it.

ah. i'll start from the beginning.

zewei wanted to play guitar heroes, so stephen rainer and i followed him.
some sec 1s were there playing, zewei "act pro" and coached them!
when they asked him to play, he did donno what sorts of funny things.
he couldn't even complete 15% of the song.

so i tried.
i completed it! 85% accuracy.

then i tried another song. 94%! =D

i'm talented. (:

2008-04-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

talked to cheekeen today.
about bb.

alot of stuff i won't post.
but please do buck up.

2008-03-30T18:01:00.001+08:00

even casillas has had his off day.
letting in donno how many goals.
it's not his fault.

so many don't understand.
it's not the goals.
it's the stupid team.

2008-03-28T21:42:00.001+08:00

piano exam.
why am i forced to do something i hate.
i really hate it.
against my own will i take a subject i hate.
against my own will i practise something i hate everyday.
against my own will time is wasted.

is it destined to be like this?

haiya. on a lighter note, made a really good joke today. when benooi reached the top of the rock wall, he said, "falling." and i said, "no, we'll NEVER LET YOU DOWN." =D

2008-03-26T21:26:00.001+08:00

i know all i've put in is worth every ounce of effort.
i'm not going to be daunted by your comments.
i'm going to continue on.
i'll not lose faith.

2008-03-24T20:41:00.001+08:00

haven't been updating in a long time.
CRISIS CORE =D

shmexii graphics, go search the net if you want to see, or just ask me. (:

2008-03-21T19:56:00.002+08:00

darius pan.
second friend i made in bb.
squad 4 '05, '06
squad 1 dyss '07
CSM '08.

one of the people i really respect in my life.

he can survive without what many of us call necessities.
a good handphone.
any gaming console.
he can even not log in to MSN for a few months. how many of us can really do that?
he can achieve a GPA of 3.95 in sec 3.
pro in music (violin)
achieve such a high status in the company, joining every single thing there is to join.
maintain a good relationship with God.

he works around the problems, not complain about them.
when we took over, (or rather, he) there was so much work to do. nobody did anything.
except him. and a few others of course, but majority was done by him.
he almost never complains.
sure he has complaints, but he knows nothing can be achieved by complaining.
he makes the most out of situations.
he might not be good in a certain area, but he more than makes up for it with his just do it attitude.

this is a true man, living the bb way of life.
a man for everyone to look up to.

2008-03-20T15:44:00.001+08:00

comm day.
i think none of the boys really meant anything, didn't want to help with a sincere heart.
did it just because they had to.

what's the point of ri comm day then?

and sean says that people think i have a motive for being so enthu.
here, i will say it once and for all, i'm sincere about everything i do for bb.
people say i want president's award. i don't even plan to apply for it.
i don't care what people say about me when i'm really doing it for a motive. when what i do is for personal gain. i've experienced much of that.
but sincere actions to help my batch along, getting badmouthed as well?
i can't take that.

am i destined to be the one that nobody looks at?
there're so many people that don't do work, but people think they're zai. why?
the real people that are doing work are not seen by others.
i'm fine without any recognition.
negative comments are just over the top.
i'm a misunderstood person, i know.
i've been for much of 8 years already.
i desperately want to trust.
but i can trust no one, except for the people i already do.
i trust them because i feel assured.
there's no one else that i can feel that with.

sure, i'm a happy person in school. but now i'm alone.
i want to break free.
break free of being misunderstood.
break free of everything.

won't you break free, won't you break free
get up and dance in His love.
His love never ends there.

2008-03-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

someone finally listened.
thanks.

2008-03-17T22:24:00.002+08:00

i don't know if my decision is correct.
but i know i won't regret it this time round.

i'm not joining again for the position.
for all the time lost last year slacking, this year it's time to buck up.

i'm joining band. i'm going to help with bq.
i want a warrant officer.

i lost so much time last year. precious time. i was blinded.
now i can see.
and i won't regret it.
(:

2008-03-15T23:23:00.003+08:00

after much reflection, i've decided: i want to set myself goals.
something for me to achieve.
i don't want to pass the year blindly. aimlessly.

make everyone in squad 4 have an ownership of their squad. after all, it is THEIR Squad, not my squad, not chester's. everyone plays a part in it, so let's see of the next 5-6 months with a bang.

be a responsible squad sergeant.

get a GPA of 4.0 for chem, physics (almost impossible), maths.
3.6 for ss, history, english.
3.2 for chinese and MEP.

the most important one: i want to stop being vulgar. fullstop.

i'm going to say this for the first time in my life. all this time i have been defending BB from badmouthers only because i was in BB, but now i'll say this: i'd rather be in BB than any CCA in the world, even soccer. i'll be a primer, mark my words.

i want to cry. ):

2008-03-15T20:18:00.002+08:00

there's so much i want to do. but nothing clicks. the mind wants this objective. the body wants, but won't do it.

but there's a reason why i want to do so much.
all i want to do, i love doing it.
i love my squad, therefore i want to talk to them. i want to go out with the squad.
i wasn't bred into soccer. i wasn't trained from young. i'm not the best in the trade. but the feeling you get out of playing soccer, saving a shot, even forcing the striker to screw his shot (which many people attribute to the striker's lack of skill) is something fun. you can get a punch out of it.
i'd even do extra chemistry homework -- i love chem.

there're so many things i love. so many things i want to embrace.

but this world is a mate-realistic [materialistic + realistic] world.
it restrains you from paining yourself to get to those you love.
would you sacrifice all you had now, for a certain something or someone you truly love?
without a shadow of a doubt, i would.

life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal.
this phrase has stuck with me for so long, for 7-8 years.
why does life have to stop us from getting what we want.
is life so bad to just grant me a request?
everyone has a burning need.
i want a friend.
not just any friend.
a friend who will listen and comfort.
a friend who won't turn away when he doesn't know what to do.
a friend that i can embrace, a friend that i can trust.
a friend that will stay with me.

i want a friend who will break free with me.
i don't care who.
it can be anyone for all i care.
i just want someone whom i can trust.
the class is already screwed up.
maybe it's time to turn to BB.
i believe more friendships are forged in BB than in class.
mediocre and shallow relationships don't count as friendship.

i want that special someone to listen, to care, to understand, and to comfort.
and it'll be reciprocated.

2008-03-14T22:06:00.002+08:00

i'm still on that bb high.
but for the whole day i've been thinking.
how do i pass it on?
after march camp i've felt so bonded with the squad.
but do they feel the same?
if so, how do i encourage them to maintain it?
if not, how do i make them feel it?

i feel so suppressed sometimes.
i have so much i want to let out.
nobody listens.
nobody wants to listen.
so be it.
this little insignificant me in the whole wide world.
i'm alone.
so alone.

imagine a phytoplankton.
floating alone in the great big ocean.
different currents affect different plankton.
the plankton closest to him, plankton around him.
all have sucuumbed to the different environments.
the different predators.
this plankton wants to hang on, to let the plankton around him hold on.
he flails around wildly.
but in the deep blue ocean, there is no foothold, nothing to hold on to.
the plankton floats along.
his friends and family disperse.
he has barely enough to survive each day.
but inside him he's empty.
he knows he needs support.
he appears normal outside.
he wants people to understand him.
but in the deep blue ocean, everyone's fighting their own battle.
who would care about such an insignificant microorganism?
he cries.
nobody sees the tears, all are washed away by the currents.
he struggles.
nobody would even look at him.
he desperately needs something to hold on to.
he doesn't want to sucuumb to the current.
too many of his closest friends have gone the same way.
he wants to stand against the tide.
at the same time he wants to let go, to lead a worriless life.

what should he do?

2008-03-13T18:03:00.002+08:00

Camps all over... says:
im emo
max. and all i want is you. says:
omg why?
Camps all over... says:
muhahahaha
max. and all i want is you. says:
..

Camps all over... says:
im a blur sotong

excerpts from an msn convo with yao yang.
so cute right!

guild meeting tomorrow 3pm, j8.

2008-03-12T19:49:00.003+08:00

march camp was very fun. (:

met dong at 4 at NTUC to buy rations.
$130 in total.
i think people thought we were helping mas selamat stock up.
we needed to wheel the trolley to RI to transport the rations.
and it rained.
dong and i stoned at the bus stop for 10 mins before the rain finally lightened.

after reaching RI, everyone was ready to set off to S11 for dinner. ken climbed into the trolley, and proceeded to get owned by everyone. in the trolley. (:

the S11 drinks auntie is racist!
she dao-ed kieran for a total of 4 times, before finally hearing him and noting his kopi-bing.
when she returned, kieran paid her 2 bucks. she refused to return him the change, insisting that she had already returned him the change.
after a few minutes of argument, and much laughter from the table, kieran finally got his change.
and he went into PJ mode, therefore making ken and i unable to finish our food.

bagcheck by lamzy before the actual camp started.
there we learnt something important: do not set expectations for the company that even we ourselves cannot reach.

when the company finally fell in, the ss-es showed some of the most imba drill ever.

bagcheck. woo.
the sec 2s asked for 4 mins to unpack their bags. seah gave them 1 min 30 seconds. which they obviously did not meet.
standardization.
i think we took pretty much of an hour.
chinese chess, rubik's cube, even apples were found in the bags.
dong and i just slacked at the side. seah is really capable of talking cock for 5 mins straight.
and yukun. he was super attitude. refused help from his batchmates, quarrelled with them, etc.
brilliant.

firedrill was cancelled.

day 2.
much-awaited hike!
our squad did not really run, because of certain people in the squad who had difficulties running.
even when chester was carrying his bag.
at the second station i screwed them.
splitting up.
letting chester do everything for them.
the squad owed a total of 75 pushups in the end for making me repeat, "close the gap."
the squad also lagged behind by alot as they did not run. thankfully darius staggered the timings at bedok MRT station, in an attempt to bridge the gap between us and the other squads.
thankfully, it worked. our squad caught up with squad 1, and overtook them at the checkpoint at ECP.
at ECP, i saw chester giving his all for the squad, encouraging them, helping them, doing the necessary stuff that i would have done if no one had done it. there and then, i saw the potential in him as a motivational leader. motivating a squad in last place is not an easy thing, and chester did it brilliantly.
on the way to CCAC, chester was able to back down abit more, aided by the 4 sec 4s that were walking with squad 4, and nobody complained.
at CCAC, squad 4 held hands, and cheered as they entered the campsite. although everyone seemed disappointed at achieving a mere 5th place for the hike, i was actually quite satisfied to see everyone surpassing my objectives.
the McChicken that ms tang bought for us was a real good reward, i must say.

during squad debrief, i couldn't find the words to express the satisfaction i got from the hike. the whole squad was united, with chester leading them to stunning success. i must say i believe chester is a person who can rise up to the occasion if need be, who can turn a squad around to make them believe in themselves, who can push the squad to the limit, and encourage the squad without losing faith or trust. chester, i'm really happy that you blossomed during this hike. may you grow into a much finer leader and man.

again, firedrill was cancelled. with the cancellation of this drill, the people were getting less vigilant and alert for the fire drill on the third night.

3rd day.
rope courses. imba hate. dong, kieran, darius, linus, a few others and i paid the full camp fees, only to be the belayers for the other people.
don't want to comment on this.

afternoon games. it was to be the highlight of the march camp, but sadly, it rained. everyone had fun playing in the rain though.

night games. town games. my station was the mealworm station. firstly, we would ask people who were uncomfortable working with mealworms to fall out (and we asked vegeterians to fall out too! hor froggy. =D ). these people would then be chosen to complete the task of retrieving a marble buried in mealworm-infested oats. however, the score we gave was not according to how fast they got the marble, but, how much encouragement the squad gave the people who were tasked. all squads passed except for squad 2. special mention goes to squad 4, who were the only squad willing to forfeit the task even after paying the entry fee because their squad member did not want to do it. the squad member cried soon after leaving the station.

froggy's and ken's station was beside mine, and theirs was "cosmic counting", counting to as high a number as possible without any form of communication. if patterns could be discerned, the squad would be disqualified. some squads devised a plan to clap before saying the number, but the fun part was disrupting them by joining in the clapping. xD
squad 4, again, devised a very good method. they did a pattern, but to prevent ivan from noting the pattern, they randomly clapped and stamped to confuse him. ivan randomly clapped and stamped too. for nothing. they only stopped because time was up.

firedrill. finally.
the company was horrible. i woke up luke, asking him to tell the whole company that there was a fire. he went back to sleep.
i woke him up again, making sure he could hear me, before repeating the instructions to him 3 times. didn't work.
woke up yao yang, did the same. he sat up, keeled over and fell asleep.
woke him up again, after stoning for 5 mins, the message finally got passed.
15 mins later, the whole company fell in in front of the canteen.
the sec 3s did not account for strength, which should have been their first priority.
needless to say, the whole company got screwed. real bad.

last day, no events of note, other than BREAK CAMP.
personally, i'm quite disappointed that it ended so quickly.
however, i am very proud of squad 4, to have bloomed into flower during this camp. squad 4 surpassed my expectations in ALL activities, other than fire drill, and for that i'll have a surprise for them. (:

watched water horse after lunch with dong and cheekeen.
lame copied storyline, predictable plot, bland ending.
don't recommend it.

2008-03-07T19:17:00.001+08:00

i finally get why i quit maple.
it's so boring!

i need a warcraft 3 disc please.

MOE should ban students from going back to school during the hols.
the March hols are... gone...
zilch.
poof.

2008-03-05T21:02:00.001+08:00

you just don't understand do you.
the piano is there so as to patronise you.
do you really think i like playing the piano?
i can't wait to kick it aside after MEP this year.
i really hate it.

i need to cry.

2008-03-04T18:26:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling happy today!
can't be because of my 1471289471940198027 saves today right?
it's because there's RE tomorrow! =D

okay anyway, the goal was a small one, had it been larger many goals would have been scored.
and that big guy is super irritating.

and now comes a dilemma. do i want to let this blog be a really private one where only those closer to me know about it, or should i just go around advertising my blog?
i think i should do the private one.
i'm not gonna lock it, but i won't advertise it as well.
so maybe i can post more personal stuff when i feel like it.

RE RE (:

2008-03-03T20:28:00.002+08:00

sigh. maths ta is screwed. i wrote 4th quadrant but used 3rd quadrant calculation method. maybe if i had another maths teacher (:
failed ERP. no comment there.
i suddenly sort of feel sad for myself.
4 years in RI without any positions at all.
it's really sort of depressing.
somehow i feel so helpless against this crushing world.
it's crushing me from the inside out.
and i just can't describe it.
but i'm falling apart, bit by bit.
slowly i crumble.

and to the people who said that i pangseh-ed them:
don't expect people to continue working with you if you don't even do anything at all.

2008-03-02T18:21:00.000+08:00

i've never felt so lonely before, not a single person to talk to.
not at home, not on msn.
no one at all.

2008-03-01T18:22:00.004+08:00

well this marks the 100th post.
one on a new blogskin.
with a deeper meaning behind it (:

today was a waste of time, going to school just to prepare logs for march camp.
but froggy had RE at 430, so i decided to stay back for 2 more hours to play soccer with him!
and i've taught him well =D
yep and soccer was quite fun.

but today i just realised.
there's no one i can pour out to anymore.
and jaren is being an ass.
every single thing you tell him he say jag.

and so i need someone to really listen to me.
someone to cheer me up.
someone to just be there and understand.

will i ever find that someone?
i don't ask for much.
it can be ANYONE.
yes i mean anyone.
but...

2008-02-29T19:41:00.002+08:00

99th post.
happy bday to benooi, and cytam (:
and i just found out that odd week fridays during bio period is that period.
yup (:

2008-02-28T20:06:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry daniel.
i really am.

2008-02-26T20:32:00.001+08:00

yay i think samson finally changed his perspective about me (:

and all i need is you.

2008-02-25T19:11:00.002+08:00

it's funny and all, but is it really necessary?
don't you realise that you get the people around you involved as well?
i didn't make a single sound during the english cct.
and i was the last guy to go.
and since zewei portrayed himself as an angel to elsa chew, i became a victim of her PMS.
great day it's been.
you're just an ass.

i feel angsty.

2008-02-21T19:23:00.001+08:00

oh my goodness i'm out of touch with keeping!
i'm letting in all the soft goals. interclass is coming soon.
but it's in a league format lah.

and i hope i'll get better. my aim is to keep at least 10 clean sheets.

2008-02-20T18:04:00.002+08:00

for RE we got this teacher with a super cool name!
miss yew (you)
and she's very cool too.
ryan ware: *takes out mentos
daniel (or someone else i can't remember): eh i want one! *takes one.
miss yew: eh, here can eat meh?
everyone: ma'am this is raja block first floor, can eat.
miss yew: okay, give me one.

and she has facebook too!

bishan home is very scary!
maybe people might tell me i'm narrow minded, but that's why i took up this project right? broaden my mind =D

lunch. mengsiew you so bad lah!
abandon *ahem* to ram psp with me.
but the rational and quick thinking me: mengsiew i play with you tomorrow need to go now. bye! (:

2008-02-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

have i ever mentioned how much i hate piano?
grrr.

i always thought marcus lee was an ass.
but today i realise he can be quite nice too. and he's very close to his family.
i so totally didn't expect that.

and to froggy: i have been in a similar situation before. if you need help just call me or sms me. i'll be there.

2008-02-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

weishen is a mother slacker.
guess who's doing his part for english.

anyway CNY dinner. was quite nice.
THE UNCLES THERE ARE EXPERIENCED I TELL YOU.
they came prepared for the scavenger game.
needle, coin, button, bottles, etc.
only thing they didn't have was lipstick.

and after that mr ong treated us to coffee bean!
he's so nice lah.
AND ALVAN WENT TOO LOL.
"i'm from 4G."

2008-02-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling...

confused.

2008-02-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

cousin is a fag.
thinks he's good in soccer.
thinks he's good in games.

i own him in all his games except winning eleven, because he spams it everyday while i'm in singapore.

stupid cousin.
fat ass.
go get a life man.
think the world revolves around you?

every other thing i own him in, in 5 mins he will switch game.
stupid.
i own him EVEN in basketball.
shows how much he can do huh.
sucker.

he still asked me to by him a pair of keeper gloves.
go get a life.
you can't bloody keep for nuts.
can't even play soccer properly.

koped his share of dinner tonight(:
he didn't eat =D

2008-02-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

88th post.
quite appropriate when you think CNY's coming.

watched alot of people play soccer today.
i didn't know they played soccer on tuesdays too!
else i would have brought my PE.
sigh.
alvan kept smiling at me lol.
when the ball goes awry.

am i spending CNY alone again?
most probably so.
even though i'm going overseas.
but i'll play soccer with my cousin.
who can't play soccer.
he always insists on being goalie. when (even) i score against him 90% of the time. 10% cos i suck lol.
he keeps complaining that i ram him.
those who have seen me play soccer know i can't even kick a good goal kick, what more a ram.
he dives after the ball goes into goal (is it even a dive?)

CNY.
lonely CNY.
what's CNY without that special someone. ):

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

all of this is really true.
everything there is correct!
the bf/gf and relationships one very true.
education part is mostly correct as well.
for the job, from what it says i'll either be a soccer player or a chemist.
the rest is all really the true me.
i'm afraid but unpredictable.

am i weird?

2008-02-04T19:44:00.000+08:00

today we talked about life in class.
so what is life?

a journey? a story?
or an illusion? everything just flies by so quickly.
there's no space for a breather.
it all disappears in an instant. rain or shine, everything moves on.
i probably shouldn't dilly dally on my past, and just move on.
but how do i, when i'm moving on all alone?
help.

2008-02-03T20:00:00.000+08:00

another day just flew by.
nothing really much to do anyway.
except a 4 hour nap.

music lessons are urgh.
forced to take something i dislike.
why?
maybe i'm not supposed to say this.
but it's because of someone who doesn't bother.
and as a result my GPA's been pulled down so so so much.
and i'm naturally lousy at that subject!
and i'm not interested as well.
so i'll never put my heart into it.
unless someone/something inspires me again.
but it's hard. yea.
i don't want to rue the loss of so much stuff.
the precious things closest to me.
the most important people in my life seem the most distant now.
in fact, neither of them called even though they were overseas to wish me a happy birthday.
all they did was sms me.
from information sources, one of them actually HAD to be reminded.
they don't know how much it means to me.
maybe they'll never know.

maths sup answers up on weishen's blog.

2008-02-01T21:56:00.000+08:00

how time flies.
just seems like it was my birthday only yesterday.
all the days just zoom by.
the days that people break your heart.
the days that people try to make you smile.

i'm in no mood to write.
i'm in no mood to do anything.
i just sit and wonder.
why are people hurt so easily?
are their friends the cause of it?
or is it simply because they are too trusting?
there's no one for me to relate to.
i've been so desperate for a friend.
been desperate for 3 years running.
yet there's no one to talk to.
no one to pour out to.
maybe i should just keep quiet in school.
no words. nothing.

thanks weixiang for that bracelet.

2008-01-31T22:55:00.001+08:00

am i that detesting?
am i that horrible?

grah.

why is the whole world always against me.

i don't wanna seem so emo, but i really can't help it.
do i really look so un-project-able? can't do work properly?

some of my friends are really nice, but some are really just plain assholes.
stick with you for what? play that bleach game. and so what happens when i've returned the psp?
poof, he disappears faster than you can say, "chire, senbonzakura."
there were so many other people that i could have eaten with.
i chose to find you. yet you walked out on me.
it might be too harsh to call it a betrayal. but you absolutely know i hate being alone.
i'm vulnerable when i'm alone. prone to different kinds of stuff.
and i ate alone for that lunch.
so many thoughts just ran through my head.
you were supposed to be one of my better friends, yet you just disappeared without a trace when the psp was gone.
is that all our friendship is worth?
or were you not my friend to begin with.
just a stranger i barely knew, that i poured out my heart to.
a stranger i mingled with.
a stranger i got influenced by.
i seriously wondered whether i should have even started making friends with you.
on hindsight i think it really is.
maybe i should calm down.
but i'm alone now.

home is never warm. it's a cold lonely place.
the faintest glint of light comes from talking to my friends online.
yet again i question, are they really my friends?
or are they just putting on a mask to face me, while their true face is still hidden from me.

i do not know.

home doesn't feel like home at all.
home is a place where i feel the most insecure.
it's one of the places where my belongings are stolen!
it's so hard living in this home.
home is an aimless void, revolving round the shadows of life.
if i don't talk in school, my voice could disappear from lack of use.
that's why i'm so hyperactive.
but, the harshness of reality sinks in again.
no one cares.
relationships in school are so superficial.
many insensitive creeps running around, poking fun at what you simply don't have.
never once have i been taken seriously.

i don't even have a proper group of friends i hang out with.
so many cliques around, yet i'm not even close to any.
dong, ivan and seah are probably the most obvious clique.
there's also the ncc clique.
my relationship with weishen is good, but ultimately still superficial, he has his swimming clique.
the clique i'm probably the nearest to is samson zhuoyang chunyin eugenegan.

it's hopeless.
the odds of finding a true lifelong friend in ri is close to 0.
in fact, i think it IS 0.
just how many people are that close to me?

i think i'll stop here. so much more i have in my heart. no one to pour it out to.

life is hard.

2008-01-29T19:19:00.000+08:00

you.
are.
a.
argh i won't say the last word. but i hate you.

2008-01-28T20:19:00.000+08:00

physics class officialy sucks.
we have that gidiot for a teacher. i don't understand a single thing he's talking about.
best of all, there's a test tomorrow. I DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING.
physics lesson is total crap. no one listens, i bet he doesn't even understand what he's talking about. to show what i mean, i quote a MSN convo:

10:22 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	kart
(10:22 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	he cant teach
(10:22 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	and we all know how dumb people can get when they express thought to words
(10:22 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	LOL.
(10:23 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	lets say gideon has 5 units of thought
(10:23 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	good morning class.
(10:23 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	*sir.
(10:23 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	5 -(thought)-> 4 -(rearrangement) -> 3 -(typing)-> 2
(10:23 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	his info becomes crap when he says it out
(10:23 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	LOL
(10:23 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	or when he performs his actions
(10:24 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	like use a plunger on the wall
(10:24 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	LOL
(10:24 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	n1
(10:24 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	n1
(10:24 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	oh i know when 2 turns into 1
(10:24 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	2 -(sarah)-> 1
(10:24 PM) [The Sufferer] 天:	anyways
(10:24 PM) kuchiki byakuya.:	LOL

and the whole world's just ignoring me on msn.

i feel like an emo ulquiorra.

2008-01-27T21:48:00.000+08:00

30 pushups a day is killing me.
urgh.

and i STILL can't find my psp. maybe i'll just wait till CNY, then slurp all the red packet money. $_$

there aren't much things to do on the com nowadays, especially since i can't play any games.
most of the time it's just bleachexile, KOL, soccernet, abit of facebook and no more. it's too boring.
i need something to spice up my life.

2008-01-25T20:32:00.000+08:00

http://www.quiztron.com/tests/bleach_character_quiz_70091.htm
please go do this quiz. created by yours truly!
i'm quite free actually. this weekend is a slack weekend.

pushups ftw.

2008-01-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

yay miss goh said my MEP composition very good!
and that i exceeded expectations.

i feel accomplished.

2008-01-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

PSM is very fun!
would like to be again someday (:

haiya short post lah, today quite uneventful.

except for lunch! they released us 15 mins late, and expected us to go back 5 mins late only. that's totally stupid. so as soon as they said, "go for your lunch!" benooi haran marcus tay and i CHIONGED out of the stupid hall, to the canteen. when we finished buying i saw samson and chunyin and eugene gan looking at my food with disdain =D aww too bad. however, i was one of the last few to go back into the hall. =D slacked too much. =x

okay it IS a short post. don't ask.

2008-01-22T19:53:00.000+08:00

sigh. i feel so tired lately.

due to the amount of people currently reading my blog (or lack of it), i think i can post more personal stuff here.

i really feel like i haven't achieved much during my 4 years in RI.
no CEC, SS in BB is just a stupid position 5 other people have. i'm not EVEN in house EXCO. why? because that day the whole world wanted to come to my house to do history project. that about sums it up. i got NOTHING. sometimes i can just ask myself, what i have done in RI. the only things worth noting are my interest in chem, and my goalkeeping skills (which alot of people don't find good, for some odd reason). i don't know what's gotten into me, but i really don't know what i'm worth now. i really want someone to just be there for me, and can provide comfort, but seeing as how my PARENT can't do it, i wonder how good friends can be. i don't even think that i'll find any. most of the people i talk to have better friends from their CCA or whatever. the closest friends i have are eugene gan samson zhuoyang chunyin etc.

and i need to redo english.

2008-01-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

yes. today's soccer session ended prematurely. that miss huang forced us to go home.
bb was stupid. and i'll just leave it at that.

time to go look for my PSP again.
PSP WHERE ARE YOU PLEASE COME OUT.

2008-01-18T20:08:00.000+08:00

do NOT take bus 171 from dhoby ghaut if you're planning to take it to yishun. it's the amount of time you can take mrt from dhoby ghaut to yishun AND BACK.

so i fell asleep on the bus, and there was this REALLY hard and sharp thing on the window, so every 5 minutes my head would bang into it REALLY HARD. imagine the 1 hour + bus ride. when i finally got off my head was sore.

resuming: the search for the lost psp.

WHERE IS MY PSP.

2008-01-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

thank you benjamin for lending me your psp! now i can play the bleach game. (:

2008-01-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

thanks to shir for the early pencil box! (:
thanks to sikai for the EXACT same pencil box, with different coloured words.
thanks to jaren and joelle for trying to make me something, but didn't bring it.
thanks to zhuoyang samson chunyin benlow dehong kengchee joewie wayne peisu ryanware daniel siyuan eugenelee and brian for that BLEACH game! (even though i can't find my PSP.)
thanks to seah for that 1 buck, and for totally making me nearly suffocate.
thanks to jonlim for that bubble tea.
thanks to lamzy joash junling zhaoxin and hien for that card.
and thanks to qianwen shir britt and seah for that sms too (:

happy birthday to me. (:

on the darkside, my grandma just told me she totally forgot it was my birthday, and proceeded to sms my mum, who ALSO forgot. thanks man. but my father remembered! i'm so touched =D

i still have no birthday cake today.
there's none in sight.
i only see rice. no cake.
no birthday song.
hell of a birthday this is.
bleh.

am i meant to live this life?

2008-01-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

yay for my new blogskin! (:
i'm really tired, so it's a short post today.
tomorrow's my birthday(:

2008-01-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

byakuya obssession! (:

wallpaper, msn dp, msn background, handphone wallpaper, theme, screensaver, start-up picture.

woo.
singspiration is really encountering many probs lah. i want to have it every week. but for some reason darius just refuses to let me do it! i'll try to find a way out.

2008-01-12T14:23:00.000+08:00

hike was fun! jonlee and i were talking maple for quite some time. then listened to my songs.
and we cheated. we took bus! (:
walked till legs ached. (actually it was alr aching before we started.)
and then... we reached ECP!
rammed BK and chionged bridge. then got chased out.
went macs. got chased out again.
found a barbeque pit.
bridged till 3 or 4am. slept awhile.

bloody ECP to MOE adventure thingy SO FAR.
before we even reached halfway we turned back. gave up.

after breakfast darius ken kieran ivan and i went from the other side. try and get to marine cove.
we gave up halfway also!
ken and i went to play in the water. (:
OHYES AND I THREW AWAY MY FAVOURITE SOCKS.
i stepped on the grass.
SLOOSH.
the whole foot went in.
i quickly drew it out and tried to find another path using my left foot.
SLOOSH.
best.
then i dont care alr, i just run through the whole thing.
I'M GOING TO DIE AS AN SS. i will need to follow the stupid squad on THAT hike AGAIN.
rah.

2008-01-10T19:05:00.001+08:00

i think i can score well for MEP if i work hard. really hard.
miss goh said i can do the composition very well! (:
yes. and MEP soccer makes my new shoes look very worn.
VERY worn.

tomorrow is pe! =D and bb day. ):

and tomorrow i'm meeting shir with jaren! for my bday present. thankyou shir! (:

2008-01-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

not in cec ):
haiya. although i really wanted to be one, i never expected to be even nominated anyway.
this year: physics is gone. really gone. as gone as a gondor.

today drill was super funny!
chee keen rocks.
the NCC people were shouting about in the parade square. and cheekeen said, "bb is very rational. we don't do retarded things." apparently they were shouting the number of seconds left. which is a first. (pardon the pun.)
and that junyong. "I AM YOUR STAFF SERGEANT.", "i can't believe i'm doing this. THIS is a push-up position, not like this, or like this or whatever." best.

and ivan. cheekeen said for pandang ke kiri change over to up. so when we were supposed to look left he said up. which is correct. then when it was time to switch back to facing the front. HE SAID DOWN. like ohmygoodness. that's simply retarded. (hello darius(: )

but after drill, my legs are aching like mad. as aching as an eggyolk.

muster parade is stupid and is a waste of time.

2008-01-08T16:57:00.000+08:00

english diagnostic test was pretty easy.
and chinese is best.

2008-01-07T16:25:00.000+08:00

thanks alot mum.
guess what she did.
she read my sms-es. every single one of them. guess what? she purposely read those that i sent to jaren. ask jaren what i sent him.

arthur is simply irritating. to the core. he simply REFUSES to sit anywhere other than beside me, and WHEN I ASK HIM A QUESTION HE IGNORES ME and says, "don't ask me this type of lousy question." what the hell. so what if you're smart. you're just a piece of bullshit. you think you're so smart. you're just a horrible failure. an irritating fellow that just cannot shut up. you know what? you're 90% of the noise pollution in the earth. just get lost and remove that will you. stuck-up ass.

and i'm still keeping my resolution not to be vulgar! (:

2008-01-06T15:09:00.000+08:00

Free-IQTest.net - Mensa IQ Test
(:

today is even more horrible than yesterday.
there was NO zak.
so i wasted 8 whole dollars. on NOTHING. i did NOTHING in bunk.
so i got pissed and went to suntec, to exchange the ppcs for the calendars.
then i passed by a converse shop, and bought my new shoes that i'd always wanted.

today is boring.

updated wants for bday:
PSP RPG game.
~~pencil case.~~
water bottle.
chain for my jeans.
a blade staff.
zakum helm.
a bithday cake.
and someone to eat it with.

yep. that's about it.

2008-01-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

today's zak was horrible. the pots shah said was enough was NOT enough.
arms took quite long to kill. first person to die: jaren. then yammycake died. and so did waregreymon. ALL MY PARTY MEMBERS. so mage and i survived without hb and heal. for at least half an hour okay. then boss was telling me self-pot self-pot (he was on the com beside mine.) so finally 7 arms down and left the toilet arm. some smartass hit the thing while everyone at toilet. at b1 carol died, triggering a chain reaction. invin, bendit, and some others died. i died at b2, cos i didn't have any more power elixirs left and potted dews, while waiting for ang to heal me. of course that was a bad move and i died. b2 50%. not bad for a first try lah. so i moved my chair and watched boss play. he died also. he waited for ang to heal him also.

tomorrow there will be another zak. but i got no money.howhowhow. nobody wants to lend me anymore.
if you don't want don't pretend to afk. say it straight to my face. i hate people who aren't straightforward.

2008-01-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

when school starts there're so many things to blog about!

today was sandcastle building. that desmond guy has a horrible pronunciation problem.
getting water from the sea was the most fun part. because your feet go into the sea! (:
and so our class was tasked to do the "raja block". WHICH RAJA BLOCK HAS 4 MINIATURE CASTLES ON THE ROOF? i did the windows! but the corners were very scary. after i imprinted the windows on one of the corners, THE WHOLE CORNER COLLAPSED. ohmygoodness. but shanghua rebuilt it in 5 mins! that's uber pro. (but actually his own corner toppled once too.)

AND AFTER THAT WE CAN WEAR SLIPPERS. THEY'RE ALLOWED. eat that qw. (:

then went to pasir ris book dental appointment. 615pm. -.- i looked at the time. 145pm. great. but i still had piano lesson! which was at 215pm. one hour later. i travelled back to pasir ris and went to the library. slept there till 545, then stoned around.

i haven't been to pasir ris for so long! i actually miss it lah. i know the whole place very well, but now it's like so new. there's even a KFC now. to think i was complaining about the lack of KFCs in pasir ris.

school is gonna really begin on monday. i'm really glad i managed to sort out my priorities. thanks to qw, who said she was gonna quit maple, made me ponder upon whether i should or not. and i decided on it. and i think my grades are gonna improve now. please let me keep this attitude of being hardworking. i really don't want to fall back into a mood that's so totally un-RI.

i need encouragement.

2008-01-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

oh yes i forgot to add this into my new year resolution: STOP BEING VULGAR.

yes. my language will be so clean you'll think it's new! (:

2008-01-02T16:01:00.000+08:00

okay. i've cleared up my links, anyone who wants a linky please tell me.

the start of school!
no maple. ):
more soccer.
more mugging.
more stress.

so here are our teachers
english: felicia kuo
maths: peh lian hong
chinese: yong chai may(sp)
bio: jeffrey lee
physics: gideon choo
chem: ong chiau jin! (:
philo: kenneth low
pe: raymond chan
hist: doreen ang
ss: neoh terh ling
MEP: goh meei yunn

idk lah. sigh. seems like i'll go back to emo again. someone PLEASE help me.

please.

EDIT: more stuff.
this time i'm really gonna be hardworking. i promised myself. and i even bought a new file and diary to encourage myself. cleared up my work table of all the junk. i really hope i do succeed this time. please. let me.

on a brighter note: my birthday's coming! so comes the present buying season (:

wants: pencil case (billabong or OP would be fine.)
water bottle.
wallet!
someone to celebrate it with.
a birthday cake (i've never eaten my own birthday cake before. okay i shan't emo.)
new sneakers.
PSP RPG game.

yep. someone please get me something please(:

New Years' Resolutions

2007-12-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

A very rare update.

1. Stop biting people.
2. Be a muggertoad and play com games only on holidays (:
3. Improve my grades (i really want this one.)
4. to just be myself and stop living my life for other people!
5. get a better social life. basically be more acquainted with everyone else.

that's it! happy new year to everyone!

2007-11-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

sigh sometimes i feel like some ****.
i just go on and on talking and talking.
and sometimes no one replies.
all the time.
sigh maybe i should just shut up once and for all shouldn't i.

2007-11-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

the blog is NOT dead. so ben aw please go away or i won't tag on your blog.
maple is stuck at 85. so jealous lah. i want 4th job. T_T
donate mesos please.
or i shall do this very horribly.

d0nateex mes0sszx pll0xxx. ellshhee iie dunnx lurrbbe euuu w0rrhhxxx

there. whoever doesn't donate shall ruin his/her eyes by sufferring the twit treatment (alliteration)

i alliterated like super alot of times today.

i forgot what alr lah lol.

and FFX OST rocks. i ~~downloaded~~ them. if you talked to jaren about this you would hear about how i:

downloaded
renamed
deleted
downloaded
renamed
added album title
added composer

ONE BY ONE LA.

1 hour gone. but it was worth it =)
now they are at a different volume from the other songs. how to adjust anyone knows?

2007-11-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

update pictures next time. i can jump pet park alr! (: yay!
complicated matters now. it'll all end right.
i believe in us.

2007-11-08T10:36:00.000+08:00

there im done. i had to load them backwards cos the new pics always appeared on top. <3
thankyou for that beautiful wallpaper (:

2007-11-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry

Just came back like that
And took you for granted
I've been so selfish.
But you never once minded.

Taking this test of love
I've already failed by your standard.
I've been so selfish.
But you never once minded.

You've always been so nice.
Just downed all the pain and appeared light-hearted
I've been so selfish
But you never once minded.

I don't know if you've ever wondered.
Whether I could stop my own work and just be with you.
But everytime I call for you,
You're there, sure as the morning dew.

Only today have I realised
How much we mean to each other.
How I wish I could turn back time,
and started embracing you, cheered by the flowers.

-Max
I think this is the best way to say I'm sorry: I'll upload each and every one of those ss-es of us together. No running away from it.

Iloveyou.

2007-11-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

a special dedication to a special someone.

Maybe

Maybe I've taken you for granted,
Maybe we didn't start out alright.
Maybe we're too different,
Just maybe, I'll last through the night.

Maybe I won't last through,
Maybe it's just the pain.
Maybe we don't understand each other enough,
Just maybe, we'll be together again.

Maybe there's been too much,
Maybe you've stolen someone else's heart.
Maybe you never noticed,
Just maybe, mine was stolen right from the start.

Maybe we won't last.
Maybe we're too miniscule.
Maybe, when everything has fallen,
I know, I'll still love you.

-Max

2007-11-06T22:57:00.001+08:00

i'm really sorry brit. please stop crying alr.

2007-11-04T18:00:00.001+08:00

omg i'm sorry brit. forgot to update our pics.
actually since the reformat i only have 1.
*ahem*
this is brit (: my maple *ahem*

2007-11-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

beef steak for lunch and pizza for dinner. yummy.
pictoral update today.

some guy upped my fame, forced me to pay him. course i didn't.

what irony. asked him to smile but i didn't. i died.

aww, scamming attempt failed.

this lousy guy died tring to raid. ><

guild be yourself day! since i'm *ahem* "emo"...

typical ben aw. ><

with my superb pq leading skills, we got in for like the 20th time.

goalkeepers

2007-11-02T18:33:00.000+08:00

when you're feeling as bored as i am, you'll come up with posts like this. so don't laugh.

goalkeepers of RI class of '08!

3A: Han Qiao
Can't really play soccer, but has a definite height advantage.

3B: Keng Yong
Being in the hockey team, he has some ball sense. Makes the common blunder.

3C: I don't know xD

3D: Faizal
Has the potential to become a good keeper, but for now, he is reluctant to come off the goal line to narrow the angle, and doesn't have the aura of a good keeper.

3E: Imran, Nicholas Pathy, Kenneth Tang
How ah. Imran just sucks. Pathy is the hockey goalie, so not bad. Kenneth Tang is the best of the three, but that's not saying much.

3F: Nikhil
Never heard of him before. Seems reliable.

3G: ME!
I'll leave someone else to post this section in.

3H: De Sheng
Not a bad keeper, but tends to let his confidence level drop.

3I: Lennard
Reliable and solid keeper. However, his bad judgement abilities and inability to dive are the only flaws. (very big ones though.)

3J: Maskil
Consistent keeper, able to perform at a constant level.

3K: Theodore
A highly reliable keeper, prone to only the most rare and slight errors. Gives his defence much needed confidence.

3L: err they got disqualified so I don't know.

3M:i donno =x

3P: Guodong
Guodong is another super reliable keeper, hampered only by his reluctance to come off his goal line.

3Q: Chu Yong
Small in size, he more than makes up for it with his technical abilities. Not exactly very reliable though. Keeper of Tournament 2007.

3R: i donno.

3T: Hussaini
donno much about him.

and this concludes the post on goalkeepers.
anyone with any input please tag (:

AHH TOMORROW THEORY EXAM PAPER. no kick. so easy. pffft. (:

2007-10-31T00:42:00.000+08:00

daniel sucks at fifa 08.
actually, daniel just sucks. (:
i think i had 99% possession against daniel.

i got my new specs <3
and i'm not a camwhore so I SHALL NOT POST PICS.

read that all you camwhores.
grrr.
tomorrow is O level day.
O-day for sec 4s. must jy w0rrhx (:

but since tomorrow is O-day, it also means holiday for me.
and since my mum is going out at 10am tomorrow, means I wake up at 10am.
and since Maple update ends at 1130pm, I will be right in time to kope an empty MP3 map and ram with jaren + priest.
and since my mom is going out she's gonna come back at 7+, which in turn means i can play for 7 hours. How good can life get. (: