Thursday, November 17, 2011
i'm actually very scared to be apart from God. i want to be close to Him again so badly. i don't know what to do now though, i know that i've been so far away for so many times i'm so used to it. i've tried to get back close to God again, but time and time again my own discipline has failed me. but only God understands me. i really don't have the words to put into my own mouth to explain. i don't even know what i feel sometimes. but only God really understands me, and though i try again and again to tell my leaders i really don't know what i'm feeling, they never seem to believe me. help me God. i'm afraid.
moonlight shone on Thursday, November 17, 2011.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Focus on God
moonlight shone on Friday, September 02, 2011.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
and that is why i try to be more sensitive to people. i recognize the insecurities people feel, and that's why i try to lend an ear, to help them. they usually don't accept it though. i still do my best. for a few months, i've been spending my time with x. i see the great insecurity, yes, one big insecurity. i see the similarities between x and myself from long ago. there was friction in the relationship with her close friend y. however, y was close to other people too, and i thought that x needed more attention. i invested alot of time on this. i was probably hoping against hope that whatever i did, it would probably change her, even just a little.
but then not everyone is perfect. flawed personality came into play, and x was demanding. she demanded all of y's attention, demanded everyone's attention. she started giving black faces everywhere, and more frequently too. this got to a point where the class decided to stop pampering and giving in to her. it was up to x to realise that the world didn't revolve around her. naturally she didn't get it. she ran from us, found someone else to seek solace. a total stranger. as i predicted, she came back to us with a changed mindset, not in the way we hoped for though. strangely, she was talking about changing class and leaving us. running to its fullest. of course i was shocked. she never had an idea how much other classes hated her. she didn't know half the people who expressed dislike for her. as i've been thinking, even our group of friends probably dislike her for affecting everyone adversely like that.
and then came the final blow. x said she had to go home to teach her sister stuff, and went down to the canteen first. at the same time, the people who stayed in class planned a bowling outing. that stranger found out about it and asked x why she didn't go. instead of answering truthfully, she manipulated the whole situation by mentioning that it was "their class". maybe i didn't realise it before, but i hate it when people become two-faced and lie. a confrontation thus was on the books. the most shocking thing was that she blatantly denied it and asked me not to say anything if i didn't know anything. obviously i heard what she said, and i was disappointed in her. on that day, i sacrificed my relationship with x in the hope that she would change, that she would back down, even just one bit, to see that what she's done will not even get past her conscience. it all backfired of course. she wouldn't back down and think about what she's done.
that night i looked over everything again. i realised i neglected y. i neglected so many other people in order to help one person who wasn't willing to change. x wasn't willing to come to compromises. everything had to go her way. i apologised to everyone whom i neglected in the midst of trying to be close to x. y is really hurt. i had no idea what to do, and i had a refreshing talk with my teacher. weirdly, i feel free-er now. a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. it was no longer my responsibility, and nobody's responsibility anymore. she deserved every bit of it, as it all resulted from her actions. y would go over to x to keep her company, but x rejected her HARSHLY. honestly, if x expects y to be there 24/7 for her, she can't expect to push her away as she likes. y is not a dog, to be called and dismissed at x's whims. x expects so much from y without giving anything in return. such a relationship isn't even fit to be called one. x should be ashamed of herself. i don't hate her though. i recognize that it is her inherent flaws that cause everything to happen like that. i genuinely would extend a helping hand IF she would accept it. for now, i have sacrificed the relationship. i think it is the best course of action i could have taken. for now, it will stay this way. for now i will revel in freedom. but in future, God give me the strength to help her.
and that's it. i do not regret any of the actions i made. i have promised myself to make my life a fulfilling one and i want to spend it helping as many people as possible. i will do my best.
moonlight shone on Thursday, October 22, 2009.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
moonlight shone on Sunday, July 12, 2009.
Monday, March 9, 2009
*lol
*eh btw why am i the masked superman in your picture thing
*lol what's a masked superman anw
max. says:
*i think you're dam shy but you save the day!
*like superman is dam cool and everything
*= james
*but shy
james says:
*woah
*thx
max. says:
*so mask
*LOL
james says:
*now just need to wear underwear on the outside
max. says:
*LOL
james says:
*then really become superman
max. says:
*tupperwareunderware
*i dare you to do that
*in class
*LOL
james says:
*LOL WTH?
max. says:
*$50
*LOL
james says:
*lol sure...
max. says:
*LOL
james says:
*sian i don't feel like doing econs essay
max. says:
*i doing
*like
*some day after school
*not today
*i dam sian
james says:
*lol i do some tmr then
max. says:
*of chem alr
james says:
*i also
*i spent my whole sunday on chem
*zz
max. says:
*and you din finish
*LOL
james says:
*lol wa lao suan
max. says:
*sorry
*D:
james says:
*i go emo al
*alr
max. says:
*LOL
*superman doesnt emo
james says:
*it's buried anguish
*i need to fly up to the rooftop to emo
max. says:
*LOL
james is dam cute. :D
moonlight shone on Monday, March 09, 2009.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
听你看你
等那个讯息
你欠我的讯息
你欠答案的
那个问题
do you love me?
do you love me?
do you love me?
你没问我
我能回应什么
用眼神说
我怕我会听错
要不要
继续互相折磨
你看我
我看着你寂寞
手已经围好城堡
心也已经备好浪潮
快完成等待完成的拥抱
别说你还没有感觉到
我所给你的微笑
不只微笑
love you love you yes i love you
你听见了吗
这是我第一千遍第一万遍心里的回答
那身边的人经过的人我都不牵挂
我只去
你想要去的天涯
love you love you yes i love you
你还没听见吗
能不能请你放下
放下那愚蠢的挣扎
我害怕爱情就像
盛开的花
一错过
眼泪也没有办法
像是一场
多么令人
疲倦的游戏
只剩下最后一步
却举棋不定
我早就输了
你却不相信你会赢
看你一直苦笑叹息
我想帮忙
我好着急
爱情爱情
真伤感情
两个人
僵在这里
两颗心
悬再那里
时间时间
就快要没有时间
我们越来越像朋友而已
moonlight shone on Sunday, March 01, 2009.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
in a hurricane
A reckless ride
In the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain
Is all I wanna feel
She'll dance away just like a child
She drives me crazy
Drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles
moonlight shone on Thursday, February 26, 2009.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Hi, congratulations, you did well enough to be selected for the team straightaway, so you don't have to come for interviews. Training starts this wednesday at potong pasir cc. There will be bus transport from school at 2pm. Please come in pe attire. See you :)
moonlight shone on Monday, February 09, 2009.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
but why does it feel like i have?
i'm not.
i don't want to.
i'm tired of this life.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, February 03, 2009.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
birthday wishes.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, January 13, 2009.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Mr Fats and me and zhuoyang.
muggerGEP booi and me.
class photo =D
jonlim! heh thanks for everything you've done for me, really appreciate it. =]
RESL Cambodia 2007!
BB dogs minus THE dog =o
earlobe and cheek pulling fun with fatty!
moshmoshmosh!
class photo with teacher!
heh joke shot ><
with mr ong! steamiest teacher of the century.
another class photo.
moonlight shone on Monday, November 10, 2008.
disclaimer: no pics until i get them.
first up, is before grad nite!
met jaren and the gang at citylink, on the way to find ken at the arcade.
then, took lots of pics outside ballroom until time to go in.
after we went in, took more photos and it finally started.
first up was what's on tonight!
i admit, this was the funniest one i ever heard.
then after that, i dno what happen alr so i just write here what was most memorable.
moshing! WOOO xD really riled the crowd up and mosh mosh mosh ftw!
heh it was really fun.
performance by beatbox was cool as well.
kope food! koped chicken from our class table =D
awards. the jag of mr joel seah. lucky draw he won the grand prize of a crumpler.
and he didn't go for grad night.=/
lucky mr seah. so zhongren got it. rawr. i wanted that hard drive.
at the end mrs martina ong sang us a song, which was quite nice. then we sang the batch song. heh it was quite emotional.
pics, wait for pics!
moonlight shone on Monday, November 10, 2008.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
anyone wanna come along?
can take up to 3 ppl per lesson - he has 3 drumkits!
dam steam.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, September 30, 2008.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
drums are the coolest. ever.
why do i only think of you?
why do i see you everywhere i look?
moonlight shone on Saturday, September 27, 2008.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
even though i suck at it.
shld i pursue this?
moonlight shone on Wednesday, September 24, 2008.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
then slept till 2.
woke up to do nothing.
my chinese file has alot of missing stuff and can't find them. sigh.
help.
moonlight shone on Sunday, September 14, 2008.
grad night bb table! looking forward to it. darius linus (kieran) (foongy) dong ivan seanyap ken jonlim and me! so much for bb, we've handed over. sometimes it feels great to see the person working under you to rise up and take your position. i know he can do a better job than me, just that he needs the motivation. go for it chester!
Rafflesian Spotlight. auditions are finally over! although there were a few hiccups here and there, we still managed to pull through! as auditions IC (who was 1 of the 3 ppl who organised auditions), i haven't really done much. most of the stuff is thanks to abhinav! great job, uncle fats love your jokes and everything. sorry for the stuff i didnt do, and now i've become sales IC so i'll sell the most tickets. BUY RAFFLESIAN SPOTLIGHT TICKETS FROM ME IN A FEW WEEKS!
dmp. not very slack but it's fun. intermediate drum course with eugene gan kimwee and samkoh. drumming rocks. =D then anal(ytical) chem with fatty and stephat. chinese the usual, and number theory, which i signed up for because there was nth else. ><
i'm currently addicted to Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings! tero ds ken and i are gonna jam that song. it's so freaking nice lah. but its 4 chords -.- fatty just loves this song HOR FATTY xD
moonlight shone on Sunday, September 14, 2008.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
This isn't goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn't goodbye,
I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won't cry.
Any other girl, I'd let you walk away,
Any other girl, I'm sure I'd be okay.
Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around ,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So I can get over you.
What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh,
That look in her eyes,
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek,
That force in your life.
Would you apologize, no matter who was wrong?
Would you get on your knees if that would bring her home?
Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around ,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So that I can get over you.
Other girls will come along, they always do,
But what's the point when all I ever want is you, tell me,
Tell me what makes a man,
Wanna give you all his heart,
Smile when you're around,
And cry when you're apart.
If you know what makes a man,
Wanna love you the way I do,
Girl you gotta let me know, let me know,
Girl you gotta let me know,
So I can get over you.
moonlight shone on Saturday, August 02, 2008.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
holding a grudge over something YOU did wrongly, is simply childish and immature.
as ben aw says, it all boils down to principles.
if you hold this type of grudge, even if we are good friends, it will be a superficial relationship.
i'd rather not.
and i won't.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, May 06, 2008.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
a young soul walks into a crowd, chooses a spot to stand in. Suddenly, the people in front move. Without thinking, he moves as well, mindlessly shuffled on by the people behind him. He looks around helplessly, there's no stopping now. He sees his destination, big glass doors. As he walks in, a few more people get in behind him and the door closes. A cool breeze washes over him.
The torture has just started.
The people inside are intent on killing each other, the poor boy is getting suffocated. He looks around, noticing the people that have already closed their eyes are on soft rectangular objects. Without a warning, the world moves. The boy grabs a long metallic object to prevent himself from falling and getting squashed. Doors open for a brief while, but close again. He does not understand. A woman screams for the door to be opened, in vain. The world starts moving again. The doors open and close again, after which the boy finally realises it's an escape hatch. The boy squeezes frantically through, pulling his bag with him as he struggles to the door. As he walks out, he breathes in fresh air.
The boy (me) has reached his bus stop.
Bus rides are horrible.
moonlight shone on Wednesday, April 30, 2008.
Monday, April 28, 2008
best physics teacher in the world.
i think i'm doing a good job of "reprocicating" how much i learn each lesson by passing up the proportional amount of work.
which means nothing (:
by using "induction", this means that every 1 second that he talks is 31 seconds wasted.
guess what.
he loves
moonlight shone on Monday, April 28, 2008.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
moonlight shone on Sunday, April 27, 2008.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
100% i won't get the job i want because MEP screwed my GPA -> no chem h3 in jc.
MEP = no bio.
bio = free 4.0
quite a few job options are cut down because of bio. i hope i can still be something in the chem industry.
i hate mep.
and it's not my fault.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, April 22, 2008.
Monday, April 21, 2008
i have alr mugged songs, now to mug opera and musicals.
ain't i hardworking? =D
moonlight shone on Monday, April 21, 2008.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
second highest GPA in my whole RI life.
english 3.6
maths 4.0 (yay double weightage)
higher chinese 2.4 (thanks for the moderation!)
physics 3.6 (am i pro or what, my teacher is gideon!)
chem 4.0 (97% and i'm in 80-89 percentile.)
history 3.6 (o.0)
ss 2.0 (thanks ah, one test decides the results.)
mep 3.2 (as aforementioned, yay! (: )
to seah: i think everyone can see the amount of effort you've been putting in. don't worry, i believe it will all pay off. you'll see the fruits of your labour, trust me.
screw mep arts at the atrium.
moonlight shone on Wednesday, April 16, 2008.
Monday, April 14, 2008
i didn't know that
2cos2x = sin2x
tan2x = 2
screwed up. at most i can get 25/30. which is 83%. say goodbye to that 90%.
rugby finals were the lowest low.
i'm a worthless person.
never thought i'd have this problem again.
but it's back to haunt me.
i want so much to be that quiet guy.
to not let anyone have a chance to ignore me.
but seems it's happening all over again.
to think i tried to clear all my thoughts of you.
to try and be able to trust you again.
to think i tried to act after thinking, and not on the spot.
and it all went poof.
i think my previous thoughts of myself were all spot-on.
i'm still a fucking loser.
moonlight shone on Monday, April 14, 2008.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
i got 3.2 for MEP. SUPER SUPER satisfied.
2.0 for SS =/
only history left. tomorrow. hope i get at least 3.2
my GPA currently isn't too bad. if i get a 3.2 for history, overall will be 3.28
improvement of 0.02! (:
thanks to maths my gpa isn't too bad cos of chinese and ss.
maths TA gotten back today.
11.5/12 =D
careless mistake lor. but top scorer thanks . (:
the artspace jamming room is dam nice lah =D
enough space to play MEP soccer inside, and super user friendly.
today i'm not emo (:
moonlight shone on Thursday, April 10, 2008.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
it's super addictive.
have been reading prince of tennis lately.
fuji syuusuke is dam cool.
he has his counters to pwn everyone.
tsubame gaeshi: when the ball hits the ground it doesn't bounce up, but rolls. no way to return unless hit before the bounce.
higuma otoshi: returns ANY FRIGGIN SMASH all the way to the back of the opponent's court.
hakugei: this is really gei (gay). the ball just goes up like an exponential curve, then because of backspin comes down vertically, bounces on the court, then flies back to fuji's hand.
and the imba fourth one. kagero zutsumi [dragonfly illusion]: actually i donno how this works. the ball is actually like just everywhere. feels you can hit but seems as if the ball's quite far away. shiok.
now if only i could use those. he evolved the first 3 counters though. now they have shitty names. tsubame gaeshi becomes some stupid name, higuma otoshi becomes kirin return, hakugei becomes another shitty name which i can't bother to remember.
and then i don't read naruto, but downloaded the naruto game.
sasuke uchiha =D
with his imba high attack, coupled with my skills he's totally imba.
and i maxed out his attacked at the power ups. i can 2hko a tenten. -.-
finally school results.
english -70% [heng]
maths - 90% [double weightage =D]
higher chinese - 54.3% [wah frick. zzz]
chem - 97% [and i'm the frigging 3rd in class. ): ]
physics - 76% [one more mark for the frigging quiz and it would be 80% T_T ]
history - donno.
ss - donno.
MEP - donno.
without MEP i think my GPA would be quite good.
stupid MEP lah.
is it my fault that i joined MEP in the first place.
did i do the right thing?
did i play the right card, when there was only 1 other player left in the round?
i played a 2 of diamonds, and she just totally whooped an ace of spades in.
without that other player i might have been able to push for a triple science history.
what can i do when she exerts authority?
nothing.
absolutely 0.
maybe it was my fault.
it seems like everything is my fault nowadays.
i've a screwed up GPA.
my fault.
every single mistake that everyone else makes.
my fault.
the whole world looks at it this way.
i'm sucuumbing.
i want to speak up.
but there's no one there to listen, to hear.
no one there to care.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, April 08, 2008.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
aq support was amazing.
after being awake 22.5 hours, i slept 2 hours, then proceeded to stay awake for 19 more hours.
steamy.
soccer after aq was the bomb.
i finally got why i cannot keep that well.
i cannot jump.
so now training starts. jump higher (:
[update also nothing much to update. this period isn't a gloomy one. less gloomy than zgloomydayz anyway.]
moonlight shone on Sunday, April 06, 2008.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
i've always wanted to try it, i'm not bad at it.
ah. i'll start from the beginning.
zewei wanted to play guitar heroes, so stephen rainer and i followed him.
some sec 1s were there playing, zewei "act pro" and coached them!
when they asked him to play, he did donno what sorts of funny things.
he couldn't even complete 15% of the song.
so i tried.
i completed it! 85% accuracy.
then i tried another song. 94%! =D
i'm talented. (:
moonlight shone on Wednesday, April 02, 2008.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
about bb.
alot of stuff i won't post.
but please do buck up.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, April 01, 2008.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
letting in donno how many goals.
it's not his fault.
so many don't understand.
it's not the goals.
it's the stupid team.
moonlight shone on Sunday, March 30, 2008.
