Sunday, March 30, 2008
even casillas has had his off day.
letting in donno how many goals.
it's not his fault.
so many don't understand.
it's not the goals.
it's the stupid team.
moonlight shone on Sunday, March 30, 2008.
Friday, March 28, 2008
piano exam.
why am i forced to do something i hate.
i really hate it.
against my own will i take a subject i hate.
against my own will i practise something i hate everyday.
against my own will time is wasted.
is it destined to be like this?
haiya. on a lighter note, made a really good joke today. when benooi reached the top of the rock wall, he said, "falling." and i said, "no, we'll NEVER LET YOU DOWN." =D
moonlight shone on Friday, March 28, 2008.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
i know all i've put in is worth every ounce of effort.
i'm not going to be daunted by your comments.
i'm going to continue on.
i'll not lose faith.
moonlight shone on Wednesday, March 26, 2008.
Monday, March 24, 2008
haven't been updating in a long time.
CRISIS CORE =D
shmexii graphics, go search the net if you want to see, or just ask me. (:
moonlight shone on Monday, March 24, 2008.
Friday, March 21, 2008
darius pan.
second friend i made in bb.
squad 4 '05, '06
squad 1 dyss '07
CSM '08.
one of the people i really respect in my life.
he can survive without what many of us call necessities.
a good handphone.
any gaming console.
he can even not log in to MSN for a few months. how many of us can really do that?
he can achieve a GPA of 3.95 in sec 3.
pro in music (violin)
achieve such a high status in the company, joining every single thing there is to join.
maintain a good relationship with God.
he works around the problems, not complain about them.
when we took over, (or rather, he) there was so much work to do. nobody did anything.
except him. and a few others of course, but majority was done by him.
he almost never complains.
sure he has complaints, but he knows nothing can be achieved by complaining.
he makes the most out of situations.
he might not be good in a certain area, but he more than makes up for it with his just do it attitude.
this is a true man, living the bb way of life.
a man for everyone to look up to.
moonlight shone on Friday, March 21, 2008.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
comm day.
i think none of the boys really meant anything, didn't want to help with a sincere heart.
did it just because they had to.
what's the point of ri comm day then?
and sean says that people think i have a motive for being so enthu.
here, i will say it once and for all, i'm sincere about everything i do for bb.
people say i want president's award. i don't even plan to apply for it.
i don't care what people say about me when i'm really doing it for a motive. when what i do is for personal gain. i've experienced much of that.
but sincere actions to help my batch along, getting badmouthed as well?
i can't take that.
am i destined to be the one that nobody looks at?
there're so many people that don't do work, but people think they're zai. why?
the real people that are doing work are not seen by others.
i'm fine without any recognition.
negative comments are just over the top.
i'm a misunderstood person, i know.
i've been for much of 8 years already.
i desperately want to trust.
but i can trust no one, except for the people i already do.
i trust them because i feel assured.
there's no one else that i can feel that with.
sure, i'm a happy person in school. but now i'm alone.
i want to break free.
break free of being misunderstood.
break free of everything.
won't you break free, won't you break free
get up and dance in His love.
His love never ends there.
moonlight shone on Thursday, March 20, 2008.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
someone finally listened.
thanks.
moonlight shone on Tuesday, March 18, 2008.
Monday, March 17, 2008
i don't know if my decision is correct.
but i know i won't regret it this time round.
i'm not joining again for the position.
for all the time lost last year slacking, this year it's time to buck up.
i'm joining band. i'm going to help with bq.
i want a warrant officer.
i lost so much time last year. precious time. i was blinded.
now i can see.
and i won't regret it.
(:
moonlight shone on Monday, March 17, 2008.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
after much reflection, i've decided: i want to set myself goals.
something for me to achieve.
i don't want to pass the year blindly. aimlessly.
make everyone in squad 4 have an ownership of their squad. after all, it is THEIR Squad, not my squad, not chester's. everyone plays a part in it, so let's see of the next 5-6 months with a bang.
be a responsible squad sergeant.
get a GPA of 4.0 for chem, physics (almost impossible), maths.
3.6 for ss, history, english.
3.2 for chinese and MEP.
the most important one: i want to stop being vulgar. fullstop.
i'm going to say this for the first time in my life. all this time i have been defending BB from badmouthers only because i was in BB, but now i'll say this: i'd rather be in BB than any CCA in the world, even soccer. i'll be a primer, mark my words.
i want to cry. ):
moonlight shone on Saturday, March 15, 2008.
there's so much i want to do. but nothing clicks. the mind wants this objective. the body wants, but won't do it.
but there's a reason why i want to do so much.
all i want to do, i love doing it.
i love my squad, therefore i want to talk to them. i want to go out with the squad.
i wasn't bred into soccer. i wasn't trained from young. i'm not the best in the trade. but the feeling you get out of playing soccer, saving a shot, even forcing the striker to screw his shot (which many people attribute to the striker's lack of skill) is something fun. you can get a punch out of it.
i'd even do extra chemistry homework -- i love chem.
there're so many things i love. so many things i want to embrace.
but this world is a mate-realistic [materialistic + realistic] world.
it restrains you from paining yourself to get to those you love.
would you sacrifice all you had now, for a certain something or someone you truly love?
without a shadow of a doubt, i would.
life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal.
this phrase has stuck with me for so long, for 7-8 years.
why does life have to stop us from getting what we want.
is life so bad to just grant me a request?
everyone has a burning need.
i want a friend.
not just any friend.
a friend who will listen and comfort.
a friend who won't turn away when he doesn't know what to do.
a friend that i can embrace, a friend that i can trust.
a friend that will stay with me.
i want a friend who will break free with me.
i don't care who.
it can be anyone for all i care.
i just want someone whom i can trust.
the class is already screwed up.
maybe it's time to turn to BB.
i believe more friendships are forged in BB than in class.
mediocre and shallow relationships don't count as friendship.
i want that special someone to listen, to care, to understand, and to comfort.
and it'll be reciprocated.
moonlight shone on Saturday, March 15, 2008.
Friday, March 14, 2008
i'm still on that bb high.
but for the whole day i've been thinking.
how do i pass it on?
after march camp i've felt so bonded with the squad.
but do they feel the same?
if so, how do i encourage them to maintain it?
if not, how do i make them feel it?
i feel so suppressed sometimes.
i have so much i want to let out.
nobody listens.
nobody wants to listen.
so be it.
this little insignificant me in the whole wide world.
i'm alone.
so alone.
imagine a phytoplankton.
floating alone in the great big ocean.
different currents affect different plankton.
the plankton closest to him, plankton around him.
all have sucuumbed to the different environments.
the different predators.
this plankton wants to hang on, to let the plankton around him hold on.
he flails around wildly.
but in the deep blue ocean, there is no foothold, nothing to hold on to.
the plankton floats along.
his friends and family disperse.
he has barely enough to survive each day.
but inside him he's empty.
he knows he needs support.
he appears normal outside.
he wants people to understand him.
but in the deep blue ocean, everyone's fighting their own battle.
who would care about such an insignificant microorganism?
he cries.
nobody sees the tears, all are washed away by the currents.
he struggles.
nobody would even look at him.
he desperately needs something to hold on to.
he doesn't want to sucuumb to the current.
too many of his closest friends have gone the same way.
he wants to stand against the tide.
at the same time he wants to let go, to lead a worriless life.
what should he do?
moonlight shone on Friday, March 14, 2008.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Camps all over... says:
im emo
max. and all i want is you. says:
omg why?
Camps all over... says:
muhahahaha
max. and all i want is you. says:
..
Camps all over... says:
im a blur sotong
excerpts from an msn convo with yao yang.
so cute right!
guild meeting tomorrow 3pm, j8.
moonlight shone on Thursday, March 13, 2008.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
march camp was very fun. (:
met dong at 4 at NTUC to buy rations.
$130 in total.
i think people thought we were helping mas selamat stock up.
we needed to wheel the trolley to RI to transport the rations.
and it rained.
dong and i stoned at the bus stop for 10 mins before the rain finally lightened.
after reaching RI, everyone was ready to set off to S11 for dinner. ken climbed into the trolley, and proceeded to get owned by everyone. in the trolley. (:
the S11 drinks auntie is racist!
she dao-ed kieran for a total of 4 times, before finally hearing him and noting his kopi-bing.
when she returned, kieran paid her 2 bucks. she refused to return him the change, insisting that she had already returned him the change.
after a few minutes of argument, and much laughter from the table, kieran finally got his change.
and he went into PJ mode, therefore making ken and i unable to finish our food.
bagcheck by lamzy before the actual camp started.
there we learnt something important: do not set expectations for the company that even we ourselves cannot reach.
when the company finally fell in, the ss-es showed some of the most imba drill ever.
bagcheck. woo.
the sec 2s asked for 4 mins to unpack their bags. seah gave them 1 min 30 seconds. which they obviously did not meet.
standardization.
i think we took pretty much of an hour.
chinese chess, rubik's cube, even apples were found in the bags.
dong and i just slacked at the side. seah is really capable of talking cock for 5 mins straight.
and yukun. he was super attitude. refused help from his batchmates, quarrelled with them, etc.
brilliant.
firedrill was cancelled.
day 2.
much-awaited hike!
our squad did not really run, because of certain people in the squad who had difficulties running.
even when chester was carrying his bag.
at the second station i screwed them.
splitting up.
letting chester do everything for them.
the squad owed a total of 75 pushups in the end for making me repeat, "close the gap."
the squad also lagged behind by alot as they did not run. thankfully darius staggered the timings at bedok MRT station, in an attempt to bridge the gap between us and the other squads.
thankfully, it worked. our squad caught up with squad 1, and overtook them at the checkpoint at ECP.
at ECP, i saw chester giving his all for the squad, encouraging them, helping them, doing the necessary stuff that i would have done if no one had done it. there and then, i saw the potential in him as a motivational leader. motivating a squad in last place is not an easy thing, and chester did it brilliantly.
on the way to CCAC, chester was able to back down abit more, aided by the 4 sec 4s that were walking with squad 4, and nobody complained.
at CCAC, squad 4 held hands, and cheered as they entered the campsite. although everyone seemed disappointed at achieving a mere 5th place for the hike, i was actually quite satisfied to see everyone surpassing my objectives.
the McChicken that ms tang bought for us was a real good reward, i must say.
during squad debrief, i couldn't find the words to express the satisfaction i got from the hike. the whole squad was united, with chester leading them to stunning success. i must say i believe chester is a person who can rise up to the occasion if need be, who can turn a squad around to make them believe in themselves, who can push the squad to the limit, and encourage the squad without losing faith or trust. chester, i'm really happy that you blossomed during this hike. may you grow into a much finer leader and man.
again, firedrill was cancelled. with the cancellation of this drill, the people were getting less vigilant and alert for the fire drill on the third night.
3rd day.
rope courses. imba hate. dong, kieran, darius, linus, a few others and i paid the full camp fees, only to be the belayers for the other people.
don't want to comment on this.
afternoon games. it was to be the highlight of the march camp, but sadly, it rained. everyone had fun playing in the rain though.
night games. town games. my station was the mealworm station. firstly, we would ask people who were uncomfortable working with mealworms to fall out (and we asked vegeterians to fall out too! hor froggy. =D ). these people would then be chosen to complete the task of retrieving a marble buried in mealworm-infested oats. however, the score we gave was not according to how fast they got the marble, but, how much encouragement the squad gave the people who were tasked. all squads passed except for squad 2. special mention goes to squad 4, who were the only squad willing to forfeit the task even after paying the entry fee because their squad member did not want to do it. the squad member cried soon after leaving the station.
froggy's and ken's station was beside mine, and theirs was "cosmic counting", counting to as high a number as possible without any form of communication. if patterns could be discerned, the squad would be disqualified. some squads devised a plan to clap before saying the number, but the fun part was disrupting them by joining in the clapping. xD
squad 4, again, devised a very good method. they did a pattern, but to prevent ivan from noting the pattern, they randomly clapped and stamped to confuse him. ivan randomly clapped and stamped too. for nothing. they only stopped because time was up.
firedrill. finally.
the company was horrible. i woke up luke, asking him to tell the whole company that there was a fire. he went back to sleep.
i woke him up again, making sure he could hear me, before repeating the instructions to him 3 times. didn't work.
woke up yao yang, did the same. he sat up, keeled over and fell asleep.
woke him up again, after stoning for 5 mins, the message finally got passed.
15 mins later, the whole company fell in in front of the canteen.
the sec 3s did not account for strength, which should have been their first priority.
needless to say, the whole company got screwed. real bad.
last day, no events of note, other than BREAK CAMP.
personally, i'm quite disappointed that it ended so quickly.
however, i am very proud of squad 4, to have bloomed into flower during this camp. squad 4 surpassed my expectations in ALL activities, other than fire drill, and for that i'll have a surprise for them. (:
watched water horse after lunch with dong and cheekeen.
lame copied storyline, predictable plot, bland ending.
don't recommend it.
moonlight shone on Wednesday, March 12, 2008.
Friday, March 7, 2008
i finally get why i quit maple.
it's so boring!
i need a warcraft 3 disc please.
MOE should ban students from going back to school during the hols.
the March hols are... gone...
zilch.
poof.
moonlight shone on Friday, March 07, 2008.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
you just don't understand do you.
the piano is there so as to patronise you.
do you really think i like playing the piano?
i can't wait to kick it aside after MEP this year.
i really hate it.
i need to cry.
moonlight shone on Wednesday, March 05, 2008.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
i'm feeling happy today!
can't be because of my 1471289471940198027 saves today right?
it's because there's RE tomorrow! =D
okay anyway, the goal was a small one, had it been larger many goals would have been scored.
and that big guy is super irritating.
and now comes a dilemma. do i want to let this blog be a really private one where only those closer to me know about it, or should i just go around advertising my blog?
i think i should do the private one.
i'm not gonna lock it, but i won't advertise it as well.
so maybe i can post more personal stuff when i feel like it.
RE RE (:
moonlight shone on Tuesday, March 04, 2008.
Monday, March 3, 2008
sigh. maths ta is screwed. i wrote 4th quadrant but used 3rd quadrant calculation method. maybe if i had another maths teacher (:
failed ERP. no comment there.
i suddenly sort of feel sad for myself.
4 years in RI without any positions at all.
it's really sort of depressing.
somehow i feel so helpless against this crushing world.
it's crushing me from the inside out.
and i just can't describe it.
but i'm falling apart, bit by bit.
slowly i crumble.
and to the people who said that i pangseh-ed them:
don't expect people to continue working with you if you don't even do anything at all.
moonlight shone on Monday, March 03, 2008.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
i've never felt so lonely before, not a single person to talk to.
not at home, not on msn.
no one at all.
moonlight shone on Sunday, March 02, 2008.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
well this marks the 100th post.
one on a new blogskin.
with a deeper meaning behind it (:
today was a waste of time, going to school just to prepare logs for march camp.
but froggy had RE at 430, so i decided to stay back for 2 more hours to play soccer with him!
and i've taught him well =D
yep and soccer was quite fun.
but today i just realised.
there's no one i can pour out to anymore.
and jaren is being an ass.
every single thing you tell him he say jag.
and so i need someone to really listen to me.
someone to cheer me up.
someone to just be there and understand.
will i ever find that someone?
i don't ask for much.
it can be ANYONE.
yes i mean anyone.
but...
moonlight shone on Saturday, March 01, 2008.
