and that is why i try to be more sensitive to people. i recognize the insecurities people feel, and that's why i try to lend an ear, to help them. they usually don't accept it though. i still do my best. for a few months, i've been spending my time with x. i see the great insecurity, yes, one big insecurity. i see the similarities between x and myself from long ago. there was friction in the relationship with her close friend y. however, y was close to other people too, and i thought that x needed more attention. i invested alot of time on this. i was probably hoping against hope that whatever i did, it would probably change her, even just a little.

but then not everyone is perfect. flawed personality came into play, and x was demanding. she demanded all of y's attention, demanded everyone's attention. she started giving black faces everywhere, and more frequently too. this got to a point where the class decided to stop pampering and giving in to her. it was up to x to realise that the world didn't revolve around her. naturally she didn't get it. she ran from us, found someone else to seek solace. a total stranger. as i predicted, she came back to us with a changed mindset, not in the way we hoped for though. strangely, she was talking about changing class and leaving us. running to its fullest. of course i was shocked. she never had an idea how much other classes hated her. she didn't know half the people who expressed dislike for her. as i've been thinking, even our group of friends probably dislike her for affecting everyone adversely like that.

and then came the final blow. x said she had to go home to teach her sister stuff, and went down to the canteen first. at the same time, the people who stayed in class planned a bowling outing. that stranger found out about it and asked x why she didn't go. instead of answering truthfully, she manipulated the whole situation by mentioning that it was "their class". maybe i didn't realise it before, but i hate it when people become two-faced and lie. a confrontation thus was on the books. the most shocking thing was that she blatantly denied it and asked me not to say anything if i didn't know anything. obviously i heard what she said, and i was disappointed in her. on that day, i sacrificed my relationship with x in the hope that she would change, that she would back down, even just one bit, to see that what she's done will not even get past her conscience. it all backfired of course. she wouldn't back down and think about what she's done.

that night i looked over everything again. i realised i neglected y. i neglected so many other people in order to help one person who wasn't willing to change. x wasn't willing to come to compromises. everything had to go her way. i apologised to everyone whom i neglected in the midst of trying to be close to x. y is really hurt. i had no idea what to do, and i had a refreshing talk with my teacher. weirdly, i feel free-er now. a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. it was no longer my responsibility, and nobody's responsibility anymore. she deserved every bit of it, as it all resulted from her actions. y would go over to x to keep her company, but x rejected her HARSHLY. honestly, if x expects y to be there 24/7 for her, she can't expect to push her away as she likes. y is not a dog, to be called and dismissed at x's whims. x expects so much from y without giving anything in return. such a relationship isn't even fit to be called one. x should be ashamed of herself. i don't hate her though. i recognize that it is her inherent flaws that cause everything to happen like that. i genuinely would extend a helping hand IF she would accept it. for now, i have sacrificed the relationship. i think it is the best course of action i could have taken. for now, it will stay this way. for now i will revel in freedom. but in future, God give me the strength to help her.

and that's it. i do not regret any of the actions i made. i have promised myself to make my life a fulfilling one and i want to spend it helping as many people as possible. i will do my best.